First let me start out by saying I am one of you. I am a fan and a supporter of chewing gum. I played basketball in high school and college and can probably count on one hand the number of practice and games that I played without a piece of gum in my mouth. I never go for a run without a piece, and it is my saving grace at 2pm on a workday or on long car trips when my eyelids start getting heavy. Gum is a wonderful thing in my world.
This letter is specifically for the AGSO, the Anywhere Gum Spitter-Outers. I get that once your gum has lost it's flavor and you would like to rid your mouth of it and you have to figure out how to dispose of it. Inside, some people stick it under a table or a desk (which is probably one of the most disgusting things ever). I am tall and when I cross my legs under a table or desk my knee will be touching the table and sticking my knee in your gum makes me want to hurl. Please stop doing that now. Outside, people throw it somewhere out of the way, like a bush for instance. I'll admit, I used to be one of these people. After every run I would throw my gum in some bushes along a fence because I figured it was out of the way and the chances of someone stepping in it were slim to none. That all stopped one day when I was running and a huge chicken snake slithered out from said fence area where I had thrown dozens of pieces of gum. That was 5 years ago, and I haven't thrown a piece of gum on a bush/fence since. I now have an irrational fear that if I throw my gum into a bush or by a fence that a snake will come out after me. That day I became a member of the CGD Community, the Courteous Gum Disposers, or those people who properly dispose their gum, wither directly into a garbage container or into a piece of paper to throw in the garbage at later time.
There is one group of gum chewers in particular, however who I despise the most. Those are the people who spit their gum on the ground on sidewalks and parking lots, specifically people who spit gum out right next to the driver's side door of my car on a hot day. Not expecting to step in gum right next to my car, there's a good chance that I will do just that and not notice it until I am back at the office which means that not only do I have gum on the bottom of my brand new sandal that I was wearing for the first time, but I also have gum on my carpet floor mat in my car! I am NOT a fan.
So to all of the people who like to spit their gum out in parking lots or busy sidewalks where chances of someone stepping in your gum and tracking it with them for the rest of the day. I hope that snakes come chase you from where ever you spit your gum.
The End.
And have a nice day (but only if you're not an AGSO).
